Finding the drive when you’re feeling down
Am I really this wide? Ugh these pants make me look worse! When did I get this big? There’s no way I’m going to my friends birthday party looking like this. Nothing I wear looks good on me. I don’t even want to show my face. I’m too embarrassed, I’m too uncomfortable, I’m too ashamed…
felt uncomfy…but I showed up (even if I hid in the back of every photo lol)
The thoughts are never-ending, and can cause us to enter into a loop of self pity and negative thinking. For years I couldn’t stand looking at myself without feeling upset. Getting dressed was not fun, going shopping was depressing, I avoided going out, gathering with friends, and going to a public gym. It’s hard to want to show up and be visible to the world, when you don’t enjoy showing up & even being visible to yourself.
Time and time again, I’d promise myself that I would change but that loop of self pity and that negative never-ending soundtrack in my head would play. I’m too heavy, I’m too big, I look stupid, I can’t change and I’m wasting my time trying. I’d talk myself out of trying before I’d even start. Bursts of motivation were always drowned out by my inner dialog and self pity. So how do you find the drive when you’re feeling down? Here are some things that helped me:
Recognize that change can’t happen, if you aren’t even putting steps forward to try. Sometimes you just have to shut your brain off, tell that voice in your head to shut up and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Playing the loop of negative thoughts has never gotten you where you want to be, it’s only held you back from even trying. So turn it off and stop listening & entertaining it.
You don’t have to go from 0 - 100. Start small, start very small and count it as a win. If you struggle getting to the gym, make your goal going for a walk. If you struggle going for a walk, make yourself stand up and walk in place as you watch tv at home. Dial your expectations and goals back, until they are something manageable, realistic and easy. I used to scoff at walking. I thought if I couldnt hit the gym, then anything else was wasting my time and not worth the effort, but boy was I wrong. Walking is, and continues to be, one of the most beneficial exercises I do. It’s easier on the body, you can multitask while you do it, it’s cost effective AND it’s actually a great workout. Not to mention how beneficial it is for your mental health. If you’re someone drowning themselves in self pity, and lack of faith in yourself, set a goal to go for an hour long walk each day and watch your mindset shift.
Don’t rely on motivation. You won’t always be excited to train, you won’t always want to show up and sweat, but those are the days you should! Make it a habit, show up even when you don’t feel like it. The only workouts you regret are the ones you don’t do. The days when I showed up, even when I didn’t want to, left me full of pride and inner satisfaction. When I show up to exercise despite not being in the mood, I don’t always have the best workouts, but I do leave proud at myself for still coming. I leave feeling disciplined, and with a stronger belief in myself that I am different, that this time is different, that I’m strong willed, determined and capable because my actions are proving it.
Just show up. This is true for your workouts, and for daily life. When my self pity and negative thoughts made it hard for me to want to actively live life, and not be a recluse. When I would show up and still attend events, I enjoyed myself far more than the days when I skipped out and stayed at home. Go to that party, hang out with your friends, go to the dances and to the family BBQs. Instead of dreading social events because of your size, take the time to doll yourself up, feel beautiful, have fun, and let the event motivate you to work harder on your goals. Maybe you attended and felt a little uncomfortable? Ok, another reason to make changes so you don’t feel the same next year. Use that discomfort to fuel you to do more and to try harder. Use it as a catalyst for change. You deserve to be happy for who you are today. You deserve to enjoy life and share moments with your loved ones, and they also deserve to share these moments with you. Punishing yourself by isolation and not showing up for big events, is only further entrenching you into denial and the problem at hand. By not showing up, you don’t have to face reality, you don’t have to deal with the discomfort, when maybe those are the things you need to be dealing with head on. Love yourself enough to live life with the people around you, and love yourself enough to fight for change.
Every story and situation is different. There were times when I needed to skip an event for my own mental well being, and other times I needed to push myself to go and still enjoy life. I don’t know what’s right for you, and these moments in your life…I’m just sharing my own experience. Especially when it came to big family & friend events, I’d never want to be so self absorbed to where I made someone else’s moment all about me, and my weight & comfortability. Life is too short to not show up for yourself and your loved ones. <3
